British Al Qaeda On Strike
in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency
talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins
a suicide bomber would receieve after his death would be cut by 25% this month, from
72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in the number of suicide
bombers and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers’ union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (B.O.O.M.)
responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members, and immediately
balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press: “Our members
are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don’t ask for much in
return, but to be treated like this is a kick in the teeth.”
Speaking from the shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he now resides, Al Qaeda
chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, “We sympathize with our workers’ concerns but
Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting
the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace.
“Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
It’s a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don’t like
cutting wages but I’d hate to have to tell 3000 of my staff that they won’t be able to blow
themselves up.”
Spokespersons for the union in the Northeast of England, Ireland, Wales and the entire
Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect their operations, since “there are
no virgins in their areas anyway.”
Apparently, the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down to the emergence
of that Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like,
they are not so keen on going to Paradise.
Comfortably Zoned with Ralph Zig Tyko 
Dick Berk said,
June 4, 2010 at 5:45 am
Zig :
The need for a strike is obvious since the union can’t do simple math. It sems that there is either a 20 % reduction (72 to 60) or a 25 % reduction (72 to 54) in the virgins but there cannot be a fudge factor that unions tend to do for “under the table” pay-offs.(please see McPier in Chicago for McCVormack Place fiasco). Other than that I welcome the strike – and it can be extended forever!!!
Ralph Zig Tyko said,
June 4, 2010 at 12:41 pm
Yes, Dick, may they strike forever!
Luke said,
July 14, 2010 at 12:37 am
Whether as a joke or otherwise. Emails like this gives people wrong information on Muslims and what Islam is all about and makes us the laughing stock of the world.
For many years jokes like these “appear” as humorous but are a strong weapon in spreading mischief and false messages to the public.
There is no such thing in Islam as a suicide bomber receiving virgins in the afterlife. This fact has been spread by the media and others to show Islam as a ridiculous religion, and it holds no truth within the rules of Islam.
A person in Islam who commits suicide is doomed to hell as stated by GOD in the Holy Quran. He is also buried outside the cemetery.
Islam has stood for nothing but peace and is shown today as a religion of violence because of ignorance that is spread through stupid emails like this.
We take our religion, its rules, its Holy Book, its Prophets (Prophets Moses and Jesus included Peace Be Upon Them) and all aspects very seriously.
We are probably the only group out of a small number of groups in the world whose believers strictly adheres to its teachings.
When it comes to women, Islam shows utmost respect to them, so much so that men and women are not even allowed to touch each other unless they are married. (Example, men shaking hands with women when meeting).
This idea of killing oneself for the sake of women depicts virgin women as only being good enough for a person who has blown himself up and murdered others.
If our religion seems funny, then rather use your efforts to read up and understand what Islam is all about.